Gifts of the Magi for Women in Business

One of my favourite books is Sarah Ban Breathnach’s Simple Abundance – a Daybook of Comfort of Joy.  I’ve had the book for over a decade.  Year on year I delve into the book’s wonderful treasure of wisdom and simple truths day in, day out.  I remain amazed at how continually inspirational the day book is.

So it was last a few days ago that the Daybook’s topic was on the gifts of the magi.  No ordinary story in this Daybook, I tell you.  Ms Breathnach took this to another rousing level.  What if the gifts of the magi represented wonder (gold), acceptance (frankincense) and courage (myrrh)? Accepting that the Magi had expected to see the King of Kings, when they found the new born in a stable instead of a palace, “they offered wonder by surrendering logic, reason, and common sense.  Accepting the impossible, they suspended scepticism long enough to double cross the insane King Herod, frantically searching for the child who would change the work.  With courage – at risk of their own lives – the wise men helped the young family escape to a safe haven in Egypt.”

As I reflected on this interpretation I thought of the many times when experience has not met expectation.  I also thought of the usual response we often give to such situations – frustration, anger, despair.  But then I wondered what if we responded more like the wise men.  What if we demonstrated surprise but followed through with acceptance and then the courage to go on as we execute specific and deliberate strategies and actions in alignment with our entrepreneurial convictions and beliefs.

As we approach a new year, women in business, be encouraged and be of good cheer!  If you are not getting the results you want in your business and are, well, let’s say experiencing a negative wonder just like the wise men, still be of good courage.  Accept the circumstance, but forge ahead in 2013 with fortitude and strength.  Remain true to your convictions, seek help and forge ahead a plan and strategy that will see to the transformation of your business.

Revelling in her new found freedom

One of my sisters sent a BB message early this morning to tell me that she was doing just that: revelling in her new found freedom. Freedom from what I hear you say? Freedom from stress, freedom from busyness and a release into a state of being at liberty.

She has submitted her final piece of course work for her second Masters programme and had thus decided to take the whole of June off. Off work, off stress, off busyness. I had noticed that her BB profile pics were changing rather oddly throughout the whole of this month thus far. I thought something was amiss – for someone who was reticent (as I am, I suppose) to upload a picture of herself on her BB profile, she was uploading a new picture every day. Beautiful pictures, I might add. Whatever is going on in Abidemi’s life, I wondered? Whatever it was, I liked her refreshed and daily refreshing BB profile pics.

So this morning she spilled the beans
She’s taken June off. Off so that she could be. Off should that she could live. Off so that she could rest. Off so that she could celebrate herself. And off so that she could exhale – really exhale from a deep joy. Even I exhaled as I read her BB IM. My response? ‘Dearest sis, celebrating yourself is one of your life’s commission’.

As I wrote that it almost felt narcissistic, and even blasphemous. But I typed that nevertheless. As I grow in age I am beginning to cherish so many things and people that are dear to so much more. The need to reconnect with old friends and stay connected to them. The need to take that trip to Zurich whilst in London if only for a even a day to connect with an old friend whose friendship I value but who I have not been able to meet up with less on Skype and email for too many years. The need t take that extra day whilst on a business trip to Kenya and celebrate with old friends – and take that trip to the Masai Mara. The need to rise up early and watch the sunrise during that weekend away on the secluded and serene and warming beach bay of Lou Moon Lodge. The need to fill my home with those pleasantries that calm and relax me. The need to start cooking hosting weekend lunches and dinners again. The need to take time out whilst on a business trip thousands and thousands and thousands of miles away to call my lovely, lovely niece and wish her a happy 8th birthday. The need to take that 5 hour drive to that quaint upcountry resort with my sister for the weekend. The need to celebrate life.

Series Life Indulgence in the Little Things
Such needs consume me now. Like Abidemi I had also just recently completed a Masters programme. And I found time on my hands again to use as I desired – and I knew I had to use the time most preciously. I wanted to recommence series Life Indulgence in the Little Things. Me-time on Saturday mornings. Spending time with protégés and mentors. Choosing and wanting to wake up early to pray and praise.

It’s a new life all over again. Won’t you join us?

Flawed - by design

Celebrating the Royal Wedding
The Royal Wedding was celebrated in style ... far beyond the shores of the United Kingdom. We here had a celebration for the Royal Bride and Groom in Accra! A friend hosted a sumptuous English breakfast adorned with all the elaboration of stylishly and vibrantly dressed Accra ladies sporting pearls, Swarovski crystals and fascinators – all as the ladies watched The Big Event live over a huge screen.

I regretably had to turn down my invitation. Knocked out by malaria most of throughout last week, I had to do with watching the wedding online. Yes, online!

We had ‘enjoyed’ torrential rains overnight (what sweet relief from all that sweltering heat we had suffered throughout Thursday) and, as often happens here, the electricity power went off as a result of the thunder storms and lightening. And yes, you guessed it, it did NOT come back in time for me to watch the wedding live courtesy of the British Broadcasting Corporation. I had to resort to my internet connection, and when the battery ran out on my laptop, well, I had to start using my imagination for the rest of the service...!

Time and chance
But what really struck me was the element of destiny throughout the whole celebration of love that commenced when the Royal Engagement was announced. The level and intensity of goodwill for the now Duke and Duchess of Cambridge has been immense as it has been heart warming. And I do very much feel that much of that goodwill perhaps has transcended from the deep love that the British public and many others globally endeared for Diana, Princess of Wales, the Duke of Cambridge’s mother.

Not that Diana herself was the happiest woman alive when she was with us. We all know too well of her apparent misery in marriage. We do also of course know of her clear and unquestionable compassion. Her compassion for the less fortunate, and her desire for her children to be deliberately exposed to some of the realities of the society around them.

Undoubtedly this did not win her any brownie points amongst the Royal household at the time, but carry-on she did. I am persuaded that it was this her convictions that has so shaped the character and person of her two sons. Two Royals and young men who are equally compassionate and peculiarly hardworking (the BBC reported that the Duke of Cambridge will return to work this week). Royals wanting to connect to ordinary people – and look how popular it has made them! The Duke of Cambridge has certainly warmed opinions towards the Monarchy.

Genealogies and destiny
Much of course has been made of the ‘common’ genealogy of Kate Middleton. She is of course now the Duchess of Cambridge.

And I smile as I write for destiny awaits all of us. Diana, Princess of Wales’s was perhaps to awaken the British Monarchy of the need to be more at home with the British people – even in her death! I remember that last day in August in 1997 when she died. If my memory serves me right The Queen was in Balmoral when the news came and she remained there until the loud and resounding voice of the British public persuaded her to return to Buckingham Palace. As tributes and flowers flooded Buckingham Palace and Kensington Palace, the public again loudly expressed their desire and need for her and the rest of the immediate Royal Family to come out of the Palace to acknowledge them and their tributes. And this she did.

Destiny awaits all of us. Destiny awaits us in our convictions and character which blesses some and infuriates others; in our struggles which spur us; as well as our struggles which steer us into uncommon destinations.

Cum Laude

It was one of those days when one felt fulfilled. A good day at work and all the meetings had been exceptional; and your heart glows with immense delight. But as I finished dinner at the hotel restaurant and returned to my room to do a bit a reading, and perhaps watch a little TV, out from nowhere I thought it was finally time to start an MBA programme. Now with some solid years of work experience, a better understanding and grasp of the issues, constraints and possibilities in my work discipline , and with my own ideas and thoughts on the ‘how to’ and the ‘how might’ of instilling change, I felt that this was the time.

The new learning beginning
So the MBA journey began with gusto. Logged on at least every other day to learn and share experiences with fellow distance learning students from the world over. Debated, informed and was informed myself. Totally exhilarating. But as the deadlines rolled in for essay submissions, and I faced a thousand and one firm and client imposed deadlines at work, I quickly realised that this journey was going to be challenging even if exhilarating. In fact, what isn’t in life?

Module after module I had to ask for an extension for the submission of my essays. Module after module I waned in participating in the discussions as business travel took me to obscure nations with sporadic internet connectivity in less than average hotels. Module after module I spent deadline weekends battling to read up on eight weeks of course work in one weekend, chose and essay topic and then write the essay. I got into the flow of studying and thankfully, remarkably really, consistently scored merits and distinctions module after module. To all those friends that thought I was a geek, I say I probably was....

Bloody hard work, I tell you.

And I was juggling
Then came the period when I lost a colleague and also journeyed through a particularly difficult time in my personal life. And I knew I couldn’t even think about the MBA in amidst work pressures and these personal quest challenges. So I deferred on a couple of modules. Totally gutted to have had to do it but, to be honest, I had no other choice. Tell me, how do you juggle bereavement, bereavement counselling, therapy and a demanding work schedule with an MBA programme? Well, I chose to defer the latter pressure for some time.

But then I got back into the swing of things. Flowed again. Returned to the flow of studying. But the merits and distinctions were less consistent and it was even harder work to score a pass let alone a merit! But struggle on we must.

The end came on the modules and, I tell you, I was glad for it. An average of a merit. I was glad for that. Phew. I could have my life back again. Yes, the dissertation was next but les time pressures – at least I had much longer to crack this one.

Some three months into the dissertation period I decided on a topic and submitted my dissertation proposal – written from a hotel room in Abuja whilst on yet another assignment. There was an urgency to at least start thinking about this research, be assigned a supervisor and to develop a chapter by chapter submission plan. So I submitted the proposal. Three weeks passed and no response. Another week and no response. A week later I learnt that the proposal had been rejected. No supervisor nominated to supervise it. The proposal needed much more thought.

I was gutted, but not surprised. I took me another six months to revise the proposal. When I finally did, one of the tutors magnanimously agreed to supervise my work and tendered some tremendous advice on how to make the research more academically sound. I remember thinking at the time: this is a case of self-inflicted pain.

Motivation and resolve
It took another couple of months to send the first chapter, and in the middle of that, in an effort to motivate myself, I thought about the dedication section of the dissertation. It was uncomplicated to decide who this was going to be dedicated to. As I thought about what to write in my dedication to my late father, somehow I knew it wouldn’t be long before I would finish the dissertation. Remembering his life, his toil and dedicated resolve to better the life of his children in no uncertain terms, I was spurred. Chief, this one’s for you.

Good success
It was two days ago that I got the news. Out here on a short break at the serene and charming beach resort of Loumoon Lodge, I was informed of the news on my MBA. Yes, I had passed. But I had not only passed, I had passed with a merit.

With immense gratitude and immeasurable love, I thanked my Father and my father.

Food Coaching

Life coaching. Seems like everyone I know is a life coach at the moment. And doing a blooming good job at it! With every conversation every small piece of information is taken to a deeper and higher level of insight and inspection. Goodness, gracious.

At the Gym Changing Room
So I am talking to a fellow gym-er at the changing rooms at the gym and, as female gym-ers do, we started a conversation about exercise and weight loss. My fellow gymer informs that she’s got a life coach (here we go again) who sorts her out on exercising for her desired shape, dieting and cooking advice, and (wait for it, wait for it) life coaching. I almost tripped off balance. Best thing she’s done over decades, she told me. The life coach really makes you think about your relationship with food in the context of your outlook on life. Why does that matter? Why would I care to think about my food likes and dislikes within the context of my life? After all my life and my lifestyle is made up of so many thematic areas – from faith, to relationships, to career, to money, to family, to so many things. I was informed that there is a direct correlation. Okaaay. And I was invited to the next meeting of the Diet, Exercise and Life Coaching Club.

I must admit I was a bit dubious at the first meeting. The life coach met each one of us individually, talked to us about our diet and lifestyles, our goals and objectives for weight loss. It was a case of really deliberating on your eating lifestyle, the positive and negative externalities of that lifestyle, and the motivation for wanting to change the negative externalities.

Dieters Anonymous
But I began to give it some thought. And couldn’t really get my head round the whole thing. So I stopped thinking. I was given my food plan for the week, weighed and advised to give the life coach a call if and when I was facing any challenge with the plan.

The only thing is, on this plan you eat five times a day. Yep, you read right. Five times a day. Three meals, two snacks. You must eat five times a day.

I was challenged. Not that I don’t like food nor like to eat. On the contrary. Look at the size of me for a start...! But I really resented this pre-occupation with food. How could one be deliberating on food through the day? I am used to eating what I want, when I want. Not that I eat unhealthily mind. In fact I like to think I eat quite healthily on average. But I am on the go a lot and as such often miss breakfast, will eat lunch, and dinner will be if and when – usually something small - some nachos or plantain chips with wine when I get home. Yeah, I know. Don’t laugh. And, yes, I forgot, I may snack on something during the day – like a bar of chocolate, or some digestive biscuits, or a glass of wine with my lunch..... Hmmm, maybe not so healthy after all.

I did try to keep to the diet and exercise plan. I tried. I was good with the diet plan for three days, but failed miserably on the exercise plan. Which was surprising because I am an avid gym-er. I love to exercise. If they don’t see me at gym for a week, they call me! That was me – until I was told that I should exercise. Hmmm, get the picture of personality and lifestyle?

Food mapping, life mapping
So I started to think about me, myself and my relationship with food and my lifestyle to determine if there were any correlations. Life coach moment.

I began to draw out my mind map. I particularly love to eat good food. I much more particularly love to eat good food that is not cooked by me. I much much much more love to eat good food over a glass of wine preferably in the company of friends and family that I truly love. Anything else is just a bother.

Then I had a bingo moment.

Maybe all those years at boarding school, sitting down to eat three (and they were good, wholesome, healthy) meals at day, in the company of friends had had its impact. Moreso, we had proper break and tea time – two a day. It was tea and biscuits, or tea and sandwiches – all made by someone else, of course.

Deliberated Moments. The Experience of Food
But I guess what I appreciated about those moments was that they were deliberated moments. Particularly at weekends, we had to dress for dinner. Have a shower and change for dinner. It was almost like a regime. Adult now, and on the go most of the time, I don’t really make a fuss for meal times. Meal times are not chronicled to speak. I do it as and when – on the go in content and time. Less those moments when I lunch or dine out or in with friends, family or clients. Now, those are the food moments that I really enjoy. The laid table. The company. The wine. The service. The quality food. The courses. The atmosphere. The experience. Things being done properly. That was it. I enjoy the experience of food with some or all of those elements.

So you like to make a meal of food? Yes, I responded.

On The Order of Things
Then it struck me. Things being done properly. The order of things. Thought. Atmosphere. Experience. Enjoyment. Delight. Satisfaction. Hmm. Yes, these strike a chord. For I appreciate order. Doing the right thing. At work, at play, in life. No half measures. If it’s got to be done, do it right, do it well. Even when I go running at the weekends its on a scenic route. I find the whole experience not only refreshing but inspirational. I think, I pray and I relax. For that hour, nothing else matters but the air that I breathe, the greenery I see and the beauty of creation around me. It is at those moments of calm and peace that I remember, bring to the forefront of my memory that I am truly blessed. Who was it that said that the secret to a happy life was continuous small treats? That happiness depends on ourselves? Our choices?

So maybe this life coaching thing is not mumbo jumbo after all.

And on the negative, wild side?
Well, I don’t like to waste time, expend time if it’s not needed. If all I am doing is eating to satisfy my stomach, I am running a busy schedule on a particularday and can’t spare the time of a meal experience, why can’t I just ‘junk’ it? It’s like shopping at the market as opposed to a supermarket only to save $20. What a palaver. What about the trade-off of my time, the wear and tear of my car, not to talk about the wear and tear of my body having sweated through that whole process of shopping in an African market when I don’t really have to? I mean, last time I shopped at a market for my vegetables, they rotted faster and I had to double wash them in a Milton solution twice over. Convince me that is not a waste of time.

We are all causes of our own effects
When I relayed all this to life coach, she wasn’t all too pleased.

When you say you can’t be bothered, well, who are you doing it for? It’s all for you. It’s all about you. You need to make time for you. Make time for the food that fuels you. Make time for your brand. Make time to be the person you want to be.

Selah. I got it.

Week two was going to be a better week. And I had learned a whole lot about myself and my lifestyle preferences.

Hello, what happened to my memory?

It’s one of those things that you fear to tell others about less you discover that you are the only one that suffers the condition. And that it might be an indication that some bigger, negative cerebral disposition. Yeh, I know. Far-fetched. But mid-life memory loss is real.

So real that I was glad when I read about it in the O magazine this morning.

All so familiar and I could laugh at myself at last! So I am not the only one that sometimes momentarily puts the butter on the pantry shelf and the tinned, what’s it called - those yellow vegetables (you see, here we go again!) sweet corn in the fridge. It’s those pieces of tiny information that fails you. Like the time you are packing your gym bag early in the morning and you remember that you haven’t put the deodorant in the gym bag. You go towards the bathroom - literally 10 seconds away – and when you get there you have completely forgotten what you came there to fetch. Good God!

I did once ask an older friend whether he found that he forgot things a lot more than he’d like to admit. His response? ‘’Goodness, yes!” Wonderful, I thought. Never felt such comfort and ease as someone else’s misfortune. Oh, yes. He explained that it was probably because as you get older you are working with and processing a lot of information all at the same time; thinking about so many things, bigger things and invariably those more minor and nonetheless apparent pieces of information fail you under pressure. Hmmm. I liked the sound of that. Yes, my life is so busy and meaningful that I am allowed to pick up the newspaper on my desk as I rush off for a meeting thinking it’s my laptop.....! Yes, that explains it.

Notwithstanding though, I remember every little bit about those most memorable experiences and those fine, comforting things about life – the weekends away and the delicious food devoured over breakfast, lunch and dinner; the very name of that perfume I must get my sister to purchase for me on her next trip out here; the name of that Molton Brown hand cream that I just love but can’t buy here and I have the name at the tip of my tongue ready to disclose to anyone travelling to the UK at any given moment.

Talking of weekends away, those pictures are from the last one. Lunch was sumptuous last Sunday!

Dance with my Father

It was during one of those ordinary Sunday afternoons. Home, unwinding after church, preparing lunch and thinking ahead to plan what I might as well also prepare and cook for the week ahead. Having decided on what lunch would be, I settled on just baking some fish for the week ahead – anything else just seemed too complicated at that moment in time. Yes, that was it. Fish would be the main source of protein. So there it was. Keeping it simple.

Crushed Garlic
Out came the slabs of fish, olive oil, herbs, lemon, salt and garlic. I was taught that the best baked fish is minimally seasoned, so keeping it simple was the key. So we began the process of preparing the marinade that would be soaked in by the fish, infuse with the flavour of the fish itself, and voila.

I chose two fat chunks of garlic cloves, peeled off the skin and brought out the garlic crusher. Within seconds out came that familiar aroma. Reassuringly familiar. The other ingredients where added and stirred. Suddenly the whole kitchen was overpowered with the marinade, with the odour of garlic firmly, strongly and potently in the lead.

And I began to ponder on the potency of this bulb. In peeling it of its skin, I removed the seeming innocence of this powerful and potent flavour enhancer and natural health remedy; for truly the garlic cloves before being crushed had just laid there as innocent unassuming bystanders in the vegetable basket. And I considered how such a tiny item could embody such potency.

Somehow, somewhere, the parallel with our own lives came to mind. And I began to have this conversation with myself.

A Conversation with me, myself and I
As the garlic clove did, it may not be so bad then to withstand the pressures of existence so that the fullness of our potency and riches could be released. Those ever present pressures, experiences and maybe even disappointments that we seem to meet day in day out. Might we find therein our potency, our interests, our calling, our strengths, our weakness, our values?

It was a few days afterwards that I purchased a copy of Nelson Mandela’s book, Conversations with Myself. The ‘conversation’ that he himself starts with in the book is that which was in a letter he wrote to his wife Winnie in 1975:

All copyrights etc to Madiba, of course

In judging our progress as individuals we tend to concentrate on external factors such as one’s social position, influence and popularity, wealth and standard of education. These are of course important in measuring one’s success in material matters....but internal factors may be even more crucial in assessing one’s development as a human being. Honesty, sincerity, simplicity, humility, pure generosity, absence of vanity, readiness to serve others – qualities which are within easy reach of every soul are the foundation of one’s spiritual life. Development in matters of this nature is inconceivable without serious introspection, without knowing yourself, your weakness and mistakes. At least, if for nothing else, the cell gives you the opportunity to look daily into your entire conduct to overcome the bad and develop whatever is good in you.

Madiba’s garlic crusher, that which developed his potency, his unique character and that which shaped the formidable individual which he has come to be, was his prison cell. Locked up in a prison cell for decades, he purposefully introspected. Thought and deliberated deeply. We know too well the outcome.

In the same letter he concluded:

Regular meditation, say about 15 minutes a day before you turn in, can be very fruitful in this regard. You may find it difficult at first to pinpoint the negative features in your life, but the 10th attempt may yield rich rewards. Never forget that a saint is a sinner who keeps in trying.
Awaken joy
Each new dawn, even with its crush and squash, can be the morning of our lives. Each new day may well awaken joy.