Intercession and the Single 30 Something

I think I should add to that single 30 something female living in Africa.

I wrote a piece on intercession last week and if there is one thing that I know some people are INTER-CEEED-ING for me on it is the issue of marriage.

They are not interceding – they are INTER-CEEED- ING. Heavy prayers. HEAVY.

“It’s that her job and her career. She's always travelling. Going up and down. No time for men or relationships. Hmmm. May God deliver them from their careers.”

“Aaah, which man will want to marry a woman with her own house, her own car, her own mind, her own money? He will run. He won’t be in control. He will just use her for what he can get.”

“We are praying for you o. Ehm. It is well. May God give you the desires of your heart.”

“Aah, maybe it’s spiritual. Who could tell?”

And this one is from my lovely eldest sister, usually every 1st of January and on my birthday – and usually said in Yoruba so those of you who speak the language will get the gist: God will give you a good husband. A compassionate man. I’ll carry your babies on my back.

The lives and times of being single in my mid 30s

The whole saga makes me laugh sometimes, and infuriates me others. Before I relocated to Africa, it wasn’t too much of a problem being single and in my 30s. In the UK, like the rest of Europe and the developed world, there aren’t clearly defined roles for women and clearly defined roles for men anymore. You decide what you want to do and go right ahead and do it. If a relationship that leads to marriage comes, all well and good. If it doesn’t, well, you carry on living life doing, enjoying and pursuing those other things which add value to life. No one thinks you are from planet Jupiter if you are single.

Over here though, the plot thickens.

By and large, people are expected to and do get married in their 20s, followed up with children soon afterwards. Nothing wrong with that. But I didn’t get married and have children in my 20s and I am not sure that I should be castigated for it.

Neither do I want people to feel sympathy for me.

One of my team members returned to work from maternity leave recently and I went to greet and congratulate her. It was her second and final birth she said - “I’ve passed the baton on to you now.” That was her intercession, I guess. Pass the baton all you like – I have seen something else under the sun: The race is not to the swift or the battle to the strong, nor does food come to the wise or wealth to the brilliant or favour to the learned; but time and chance happen to them all (Ecclesiastes 9 verse 11)

“Don’t you get lonely?” Hardly. I live alone, but I can’t say I am lonely.

Don’t get me wrong. I am not saying I don’t want to get married. I do. And there are days when I want it baaadly – I am sure it has something to do with libido and the fact that I shouldn’t… you know…. And then, well, it would just be nice to be in a gratifying union.

And then again, there are times when I think: “God, you know what? Today, I am VERY glad I am single.” Like when I hear marriage horror stories from my married friends and colleagues.

And then they go on to enquire about children
“Don’t you want to have children?” Well, yes I do. “When then?” Mind you own blooming business. “You could just have kids and bring them up on your own, you know?” No thank you. Besides, like it’s easy being a single parent.

“Don’t you get broody?” Enough! Why can’t people just think outside of the box?

The future
I will get married. When I am convinced of the relationship and the person to enter a union with.

Watch this space. Time and chance happen to them all.

And then I guess the INTER-CEEED- ING will be about getting pregnant, right?