Overcoming the fear of flying

When you’ve overcome the fear of flying, you can enjoy cruising at the highest altitude.

Having attended at least 3 out of 4 Sunday church services in a month since 18 September 1994 (the day I really became ‘churched’), self acceptance has been my journey’s prize. Self acceptance. Sermon after sermon you are life coached to get in touch with your emotions, to let-go of your fears, and to pursue those issues of life that secure your development and success but also ensure your peace.

Your fears of failure, fears of success. To let go of those terrible events in your childhood that still manage to hunt you even unto adulthood. That sexual abuse as a child. The drug abuse as a teenager whose memory leaves you shaking your head in shame. The unhealthy marriage of your parents and the separation of your parents which brought sadness, anger, ambivalence and denial – and also left you needy of attention and love even unto adulthood. The betrayal and deceit of a loved one which left you unable to trust again as you closed in on your emotions; and the passing of a loved-one which so destabilised your life that all your emotional literacy and intelligence depleted. The years of separation from your parents which leaves you lost and ambivalent. Oh yes, I have been there.

Awakening Self Acceptance
Since that Sunday in September 1994, sermon after sermon my Father peeled off layer after layer of years of discontent, fear, shame, and every other negative adjective related to unhappiness. It was a process, a procedure – and a looong one at that.

The beauty of it is that many a times you don’t even realise that the layers are being removed, for during the journey and quest of life we all get knocked off our soap box every so often – and we collect the dirt and debris of hurt and pain as we do so. So it is a looong process. That is until the day you suddenly see yourself in a new light, you have the mind and spirit that you yourself can respect; and self-acceptance awakens.

And as self-acceptance awakens so does ease, so does relief, and so does simplicity. A simplicity of knowing. A simplicity of knowing so real that it could be perceived as complexity. Even arrogance and pretence. For when you begin to see humankind from a perspective contrary to those of many others it is you that is perceived to be the anomaly. Oh yes. Therein lies the paradox. And there might even be some truth in that.

Celebrating Births
I was a dinner with a friend last night to celebrate her birthday. As we dined, for a moment she paused and remarked that besides my functional relationships, she thought it really would be difficult for an admirer to approach me – for I have, she said, a confidence and poise so exact it borders on intimidation.

I smiled back and relayed a story. The story of my past. My despair, my shame, my fears. The story of my past vulnerabilities and loneliness. The story of my beautiful life as the world saw it. The story of my beautiful life of how I had struggled to do those things that the world expected me to - date more regularly, fake happiness, fake contentment. The story of how I went out every Wednesday {Legends, Old Burlington Street, London W1}, Friday {Upstairs at Harvey Nicks}, then a bit of Quaglinos, and then dance the night away at Tramps on Saturdays. The story of how I appeared happy but yet longed for something so much more out of my life.

And the story of how I found no peace in doing all of those things. And the story of how I came into my own being in the Lord and decided that I needed and wanted to live my life on my own terms. If nothing else for my own peace of mind. Garbage in, garbage out – a person who is not whole cannot give out wholeness to other people. Not in business (remember the movie Wall Street 2?), and definitely not in relationships. And when we fail to address the negative emotional issues of our lives, numb them out in fact and seek to develop and grow nevertheless it normally catches up on us – in failed business and personal relationships (Wall Street 2 again), ill-health, abandonment and regret.

Madiba's Self Acceptance
A woman of faith (and substance) herself, my friend spoke of how one’s faith and substance, and the lifestyle that comes with it, can make one appear superior and proud. She had been through a similar experience she echoed. But we concluded that like Marianne Williamson said in her wonderful book, Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of a Course in Miracles, there’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. I exist not to make anyone feel insecure, but to authentically and sincerely safeguard my own abundant life.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others

No wonder Madiba chose these words as part of his inauguration speech.

Self-acceptance. Neither seeking approval nor afraid of rejection. Simply interested in living an authentic life.

Peace in the world begins with peace in you.